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Taking Sides: Birthday parties require balance

By: Mark Kennedy
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By: Karen Nazor Hill
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Mark Kennedy: Going to birthday parties is a part-time job at my house. With two boys, ages 6 and 1, it seems like we have a party invitation somewhere nearly every weekend. Both of my sons have late October birthdays so Halloween is the default theme of their birthday parties. We usually have a bunch of their friends over to the house for neighborhood trick-or-treating.

As a parent with limited experience, I’m wondering when all this ends. The endless exchanging of $15 Wal-Mart gifts is getting tiresome, although the kids do seem to love these get-togethers.

Karen Nazor Hill: A birthday party is the social event for children. It was always a big deal at our house. But, as the mother of four, I had to be frugal. Most of the parties were held in our home. The girls had slumber parties, the boys had friends over for a few hours. Each child got to choose his or her theme that ranged from “Star Wars” to Care Bears to G.I. Joe and Strawberry Shortcake. There were no hired clowns or horse rides at my house — just cheap entertainment. And, back then (my youngest child is 26), people bought gifts that averaged around $5. I think $15 is too generous.

Mark: Don’t forget about 20 years of inflation, Karen. Some parents I know are now offering their older kids (preteens and teens) what I call “the lump-sum option.” Instead of spending a lot on the child’s birthday party, a parent offers a cash settlement (and no party). If this sounds like a bribe, it is. Actually, it’s probably fairer to say it’s a negotiation. The parents get to avoid the time and expense of planning an elaborate birthday party, and the child gets a nicer gift. I have mixed emotions about this, but we are already inching closer to this alternative with our 6-year-old.

Karen: OK, I realize inflation has upped the price of gifts, but if your sons go to one party every weekend, you’re forking over $60 a month. I think parents should indicate on birthday invitations that gifts should be $5 or less. It’s that simple. And I think giving a child, regardless of age, a “cash settlement” on their birthday is a bad idea. Parents are putting too much emphasis on money. When my second daughter, Karah, turned 9, she opted for a family day trip to Gatlinburg instead of a birthday party. She valued time with her family over getting gifts from friends.

Mark: On second thought, we probably don’t go to a party every weekend, but once or twice a month is routine with more parties on the way as my toddler gets a bit older.

I didn’t mean to paint myself into a corner as some materialistic parent.

I think that the partygoing will taper down as the boys get older and their friend groups shrink. I think parents inflate the party rosters for preschoolers to avoid offending other parents.

For the time being, though, birthday parties are a fact of life and the boys seem to enjoy them. So, let’s eat cake.

Karen: Birthdays can be inexpensive and fun. I’ll soon be learning what today’s parents are dealing with when it comes to giving a party. My granddaughter will be 2 in December, and I’m sure we’ll celebrate with family and friends. The best thing about a birthday is creating memories and capturing them on film. Some of my favorite photos are ones of the entire family standing around the honoree and his or her cake. You can still feel the excitement.

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